WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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