Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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