I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
