I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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