So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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