Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
