thus making me awesome and them whores
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
