Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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