You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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