If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
