So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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