You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
