Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
