no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
