Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
