My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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