you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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