i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
