this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
