She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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