I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
They have beer where we have blood.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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