either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
