D3 body, D1 cock
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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