I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
