i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
