I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
