i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
