somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
