Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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