I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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