The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize