That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
