I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
