Where did you get a picture of my penis
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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