Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I supernannyed him into submission
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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