i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
