Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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