The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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