My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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