Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize