i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
