just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
