Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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