On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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