I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
