the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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