so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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