i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
