why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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