either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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