I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
