For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
