So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
