i just wanna soil my oats bro
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
