My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
