More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The air was thick with penises
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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