based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
