She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
