cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What a dumb baby whore.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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