Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
