i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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