If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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