No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
