I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
