I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
