His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So vagazzling was a success
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
