The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
