I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Please, let me fuck your mom
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize