I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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