He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
