did you get engaged???
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
