I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
