in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
