I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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