I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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