I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You smell like stripper and shame
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Success! We fucked roommates!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
