My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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